A Good Friend

This kind man has shown more consideration than my own family:

20 guesses who it is....

Catharsis

I'd thought this blog might prove to be a type of catharsis...I don't promote it much simply because I want to keep it semi-public and out of the eye at large...although I did expect it to get a few more hits than this! Nearly finished with my first Atua (and if you don't know what that is I'm not in the mood to explain it--finally got some clear-coat)...but little of what I'd call real Work in some time. Of course, there are others who'd say I need to do this or do that, but I'm at a level of confidence now where "gurus" are the last thing on my mind. The amount of people who have ever really struck me as possibly falling into that category I could probably count on one hand; the rest are just fellow strugglers...
     Well, I'm off to do some mundane work as I have homework to attend to, and this particular professor is a pain in the ass so the best revenge is to do well. Ciao!

Alone in Company

Having a rough time of it lately. Time flows like rain, and I don't even know it's passing until it's gone...I'll be 40 before I even have a degree, & then what? No friends, to speak of...at least any I see regularly. It's a loneliness one never gets used to, hence the name of this rather directionless blog. But...at least I'm in school again, & if I can't vampirize some energy from some of these young louts around me then what kind of Man would I be? Surround myself with inspiration, listen to the conversation of youth, and feel renewed, right? No...because what I see is the same inane drivel again and again and again; not that there's anything wrong with these people, but everything seems like a rerun, and I'm tired. The Preacher was right: There's nothing new under the Sun, or over it either, I imagine. With much knowledge does come much sorrow...and I can't push it back and just "be" like other people...not now. What to do? Who the hell knows, but I'll think about it and rant some more on it later.

My Vices

I'm an addict, not to one thing, but to a combination of mild substances that no ethical veterinarian would ever even hint that you should take in conjunction. I'm cleaning up a bit...but it's in my blood. The only generation I know it to have skipped was my paternal grandfather, and even he had a serious cigarette problem.
     I'm a lucky bastard: My dad was called up for the Vietnam draft before I was born, but he was turned down due to high blood pressure (knowing my mother as I do there is probably a good explanation for it!)...so see folks: Hypertension is not always a bad thing! His name was Ellis, and as my wife once pointed out, I am the son of Ellis D.
     He would put most things in his system, but beer in particular. We like to use the Native American propensity for alcohol as an excuse, but we both know lager is German...
     Of course, if I really wanted to something just to ease the lack of substances at the moment, I have a couple of legal goodies that our wonderful Big Brother hasn't scheduled...yet. I have no doubt that there will eventually be an echo of what has happened in the EU regarding herbal medicine (http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2011/may/01/new-eu-rules-on-herbal-remedies) here in the States, and bee pollen will gradually be sold for great amounts in shady parking-lot deals...Horny Goat Weed will become as rare as Rhino Horn...and all because Pfizer and that bunch of bastards like them can't patent them. Recently some of my own medication, which had for a long time been old enough to have gone generic, was tweaked a little...not enough to change its effects, but damn well enough for the manufacturer to re-patent it and start charging a testicle a month for it...
     Well...on to necessary things...eventually I may get around to writing something worth reading; until that day, Auf Wiedersehen.

Intro

Well...as an alternative to bitching on Facebook and bombarding others with my sometimes interminable logo rhea I decided I'd give this medium a go...so that they might choose to abide in this bliss or no...in any case it's not finished yet because of a chronic, long habituated tendency to procrastination...School has been interesting. Being the oldest in a group of others mostly right out of high school feels good. It helps to forget for a few minutes at a time the relentless march of age and the toll it takes upon one's mind and body; but then again I've never really felt young, and even as a teenager I remember telling an ex-friend (and these are in the majority--I've found friends to be like passing clouds that come into view for a while and then pass away, although some of them leave a wisp behind...) that I felt "old"..."ancient" would've been more accurate. Life has long felt too slow, now it races by too fast. Well, we're all dissatisfied with our lot in some way, excepting a few lucky souls that seem to be on their toes, and I tip my hat to them, however they got there.
     I don't really feel in touch with things as they are, though, and that bothers me: It's a dulling of one's mental sharpness; a tendency to stagnation that might result in a bad end, or even The End. I need to get out, stop being such a Hermit, and communicate with some humanity...even if it is these damnable weather-talking, truck-driving, NASCAR-nutter individuals with whom I find myself surrounded. Either that or turn into god-damn Steve Irwin & have my jugular torn out by some beast...that or one of my animals might hurt me. I feel safer with them...honest...I know where I stand. If an animal doesn't like you you know it in a matter of seconds, but "Southern gentility" demands that people be "respectable" to you. That's right, they smile and they're you're friend...right up until the moment you turn your back. Because they can't be seen being bastards. That's what Southern hospitality means: You keep it under the rug! You can be a piece of shit human being but you mustn't be seen doing it publicly. It's private, and meant to get to others only through the rumor-mill, so that they can deny it to your face. If you speak out and complain you're "rude"....and so I end this for the moment, because it's fucking early and my mind is obviously all over the damn place...